A fox tale

Come in all shapes and forms, transform and adapt, grow older and together, until finally disappearing.

Haven’t been able to get a good night of sleep on the past two days, which I’d say it’s totally fine given the fact that I get easily overwhelmed with thoughts but we all know it’s actually bad bad for your health. Anyway, it triggered a far off memory from when I was still a kid, when I’d find a way to my parents bedroom during nights that fear crept in. I used to ask to sleep with my mom all the time, like she was some sort of safe place, invincible and powerful, and everything would be fine because she’d scare all the fears away. Moms are weird creatures, magical even, if you ask me.

And I remember a specific night when I asked her if she wasn’t scared of anything, not a single little monster, which she told me that no, she wasn’t afraid of the dark, or that monsters would pop up from the windows, but the only thing that haunted her was the fear of something happening to us (me or my siblings). By that time, I wasn’t fully able to understand her answer, ofc I shared part of the sentiment of being scared onlosing someone I loved, but now I feel like I finally understand it.

With time all the monsters found their own way, the ones under my bed, the one that lived on the halway and even the one that’d climb 11th floors just to kidnap me whenever I’d visit my sister, but as the seasons changed and the ones I love suddenly going away, it became easy to understand that the moments, they just pass too fast.

I’ve been struggling a lot with grief over the last few years and it hasn’t become easier, not even with time and for those that said that it heals all wounds guess what? It doesn’t, really. But we do learn, we learn to cope with it, we learn to rage and then be calm, to cry and to laugh and then to make peace with ourselves over stuff that we didn’t treasure enough while we could. I guess it’s just part of who we are as humans, feeling too overwhelmed over things we can’t control.

I’ve been missing my old monsters.

Yours,
M.